OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
being pregnant is like rehab
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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