her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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