How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
