Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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