So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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