I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
