I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
