The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
