i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
