i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Four minutes until I can fart!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
