Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
