apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
