The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he high fived his dick after we had sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
