There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
