im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
