im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
