Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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