Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
