Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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