I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
