That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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