you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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