Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When did angry sex become our thing?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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