Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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