your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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