In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
