I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
