He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
