Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
