anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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