so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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