Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
