I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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