Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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