he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
