i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
