You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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