Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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