dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
