I'm gonna have a badass scar
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sext me about skeletons
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
