he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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