Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
