My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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