I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
