I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
