I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
