you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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