i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
