When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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