I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
